Dear Suicidal Me.

This post was inspired by a blogger by the name of Courtney. Thank you so much for allowing me to use this idea. World Suicide Prevention day is tomorrow, and I wanted to do something for that day. So here it is: Dear Suicidal Me. A letter to myself when I was at my lowest point.

Dear Suicidal Me,

It truthfully has been a long time since I thought of you. I wish I could think of you more, but sadly, I fear that will turn me back into you. I remember so clearly sitting in my room, in the dark, not feeling a thing. Not sad, not angry, nothing. When I reflect on it, I am terrified of how empty I felt.

But still to this day I wonder where all of those feeling came up. You had everything going for you, friends, a talented partner, parents that sort of accepted who you are. But still, it wasn't enough. You never actively tried to kill yourself. But would it matter if it was an accident?

I remember you stopped eating, stopped sleeping trying to figure out the point to it all. To life, to love, to sunrises and sunsets. Sadly, you came up with an answer that now, I strongly disagree with you on. You decided that there was no point, and the world would go on just as easily without you.

But that cannot be any further from the truth. You have so many adventures ahead of you, you did things that you could never have dreamed of. And for that, I am so proud of you. You went through therapy, took your medications like a champ (even if you do accidentally forget to take your pills to this day) and began recovering.

Suicidal me, you don't exist anymore, or at least, you are not part of all that I am. I will never say that I regret meeting you. You taught me about how strong I can actually be. You make life's challenges so much easier. Because I survived you, I can survive an exchange year, I can survive college, I can survive the real world. So thank you. Please, never fully return, just live as a memory in the back of my mind. A reminder to what rock bottom really is.

Love,
Almost fully recovered Basil.