My Mental Health.

This is not going to be a super happy post, and I am sorry about that, but there are things that I need to get out there. Here is your warning now, I will be talking about depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. So if that makes you feel uncomfortable in anyway, please, feel free to skip this post. I want you to feel safe.

For the last little while, I've been struggling with my mental health. More so than usual, and in different ways. And the first big one is my weight. I'm not large, I know I'm not fat. So why do I feel like I am? Lately I've been forcing away panic, and anxiety just so I can eat regularly. I'm pretty much underweight now, but it's because my metabolism makes it hard for me to gain weight. But even so, I never want to eat any more.

Food used to give me a lot of joy, and excitement. I used to eat just as much as I love to cook. But now, I'll cook something, and not want to eat it. Or I'll be trying so hard to find the healthiest ingredients, and not be able to use anything else. Like instead of wanting to make like brownies, or biscotti or something like that, I'm obsessively looking at dessert alternatives.

Healthy eating is great and all, but not when wanting a cookie causes so much anxiety. I've exhibited anorexic habits in the past. But they had very little to do with my weight. Now, I'm scared I'll have those habits again, but it'll be because of my weight. I don't want to end up sick and dying. But for some reason, things are just not going well up in the old noggin.

And my depression has come back in a lot of difficult to deal with ways. There have been a lot of dark nights. For me, my depression results in insomnia. So lately I'll go to bed between midnight and two in the morning, and wake up at six or seven. This is not healthy. I should not be feeling like this. But I am, and I don't know why, and it's beginning to scare me.

I am really sorry if blog posts are off, or if you read my tumblr poetry and it's a little dark. I've been trying to keep up this persona of joy, and happiness, but it's a struggle right now. And the fact that it could be any number of things does not help at all. I don't know where to begin fixing my little head, and getting myself back to being happy. I love all of my readers, and I hope you are all having a wonderful day. If you ever want to talk to me, all of my contacts are on the side of my blog, and drop by any time. You are all welcome in my little fairy kingdom. Hope your day has been wonderful.

The Martian Review.

Alright, so I flipped back and forth as to whether or not I wanted to do a review of this book, and I decided I totally should. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts about this book. So let's get stared.

In a nutshell the book is about Mark Watney, a botanist, and an engineer who gets stuck alone on Mars. And the book follows his fight to survive Mars, and get back to Earth.

Now, I listened to this book on audio, and I really think that helped me actually be interested in the book. If I would have read it as a paper back, I think I would have been bogged down with all of the math, and the numbers. There is a lot of science that I didn't understand, but I'm sure there are people who do understand the science, I'm not one of them.

However the book is very good at not info dumping. So the author doesn't throw a lot of numbers or a lot of science at you. There is a little bit, but the book would have lost a lot without the math.

What I didn't expect is for the book to be as funny as it was. I found myself laughing out loud at a lot of the things that came from the book. And yes there are some very dark moments, those moments quickly have something funny following so the reader isn't too depressed.

As a kid I was always interested in space, and this book is just super interesting to read. From what I have read about the book, the author did a lot of research into the workings of NASA, and space travel. Even if it isn't accurate, it's interesting to read especially if you are into space travel.

This is a book I went in, having little to no idea what the book was about. I knew it was about a guy stuck on Mars. But there is a lot more as well. The book talks about his relationships with his other crew mates, and the complex plans to get him back to Earth, and the incredible things he had to do to survive.

This is a very modern survival story, that is rooted in science. And I loved every moment of this wild ride. It was witty, and smart, and I was never bored.

The narrator also did a very good job of capturing Mark, and now I'm not sure I can see the movie. Simply because what I imagine Mark to sound like is already ingrained in my head. There is a down side to R.C Bray's reading, and that is he is terrible at accents. There are characters who are Asian, and German, and other ethnicities, but he just cannot do accents at all. But still, it was an incredible experience to listen to him read.

I would highly, highly recommend this book for anyone who is interested in science, and space travel.  As well as for people who just want something a little different to read.

5 Least Favourite Anime Characters.

I was talking to a group of friends about anime characters, and usually those conversations are about the one's we love. But this time it's about the one's we disliked, and so I thought it would be fun to make a list of my least favourite anime characters. These one's are actually in order of most to least liked. And just as a disclaimer these are all just my personal opinions, and don't really mean much.

5. Eren Jaeger. (Attack on Titan)
I have a lot of weird feelings about this character. On one hand he is the most annoying, dramatic character I have ever seen. On the other hand, his dramatic nature is hilarious, and I find myself still rooting for him. He has some awesome moments, and a lot of really bad moments. But he far from my favourite character.

4. Emi Yusa (The Devil is A Part Timer)
She has a lot more redeeming moments than most of the other characters on this list, but I found she ticked me off so much. She is way too stubborn, and refuses to give in to what she sees the decent person Maou is. And her stalkerish nature comes off as kind of annoying. I'm also a little biased with this character because I loved Maou and Ashiya a lot.

3. Light Yagami. (Death Note)
He is just... well, he's the bad guy, so I guess you're not supposed to like him, but aside from all of the reasons your not supposed to like him, he's also boring. I found his character to be very dull to watch, and I would rather learn more about L than Light. Heck Matsuda was more interesting than Light.

2. Kouki Ichinose (Ore Monogatari)
This guy, oh this guy made me mad. Now, he was a jerk before he fell in love with Yamato, but he was a bigger jerk afterwords. I had a lot of feelings of dislike over this guy, and I just did not like him in any way shape or form. He had very few redeeming qualities, as well as I could be pretty biased considering how much I loved Takeo and Yamato together and didn't want this guy to come in between that. As well, he isn't seen much in the series, but I still don't like him.

1. Tuxedo Mask (Sailor Moon)
Now, when I say Tuxedo Mask, I don't mean Mamoru. I liked him, he was sassy, and hilarious, and like a nice guy. Tuxedo Mask however needs to step down. Literally give him pom poms, and a cheer uniform and he's just as powerful. I really, really don't like this character, but I know a lot of girls love him. But in my opinion, all he does is throw a rose, say a cheesy speech, then stand there for the rest of the battle. One of the sailor scouts could do that job. I have a lot of aggressive feelings towards Tuxedo Mask, more than I should.

I hope you enjoyed this little list. If you do like any of these characters, I am sorry but these are my thoughts and feelings on them. If you agree with me on any of these characters then awesome! I hope you all have a wonderful day! :)

Station Eleven Review.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel was an amazing ride from start to finish. And this book has everything that I love in it. Theatre, the end of the world, comic books, crazy prophets, and no distinct villain.

The book follows the story of several characters, mainly Kirsten, and actor in Year Twenty who works with the Travelling Symphony preforming Shakespeare all over North America. The other character is Arthur Leander another actor preforming King Lear in Toronto before he dies of a heart attack on stage. The book goes through his life, and his three ex-wives. 

There is a lot more to this story, and all of the characters are so expertly woven together, and pretty much every character has some importance. I find with complex plots that interconnect and jump between flash backs, and the current time can be very confusing and difficult to follow. Station Eleven wasn't like that. And even characters you expect to just stop appearing after the outbreak, actually do keep appearing. 

The characters themselves are also really interesting, but we don't learn a lot about them. We learn a lot about Arthur, and a bit about Kirsten, but there are still a lot of questions unanswered. I know some people hate this, but I kind of like it.

The climax is a little anti-climatic, and feels a bit rushed, but the pacing of the rest of the story makes up for it. It's a very quick read, but still a very interesting one. 

And personally, I don't think the book is meant to be about the plot, but rather the relationships between this large cast of characters. All of these characters are connected expertly, and it's like a giant web. Even though the plot is nothing super special, the way St. John Mandel twines up the lives of all of these characters in a way that makes sense is amazing. 

The world of Station Eleven is very well built, and you could easily picture it. Even though it is our lives after the end of the world, there is still world building to be done. And I like what the author did with futuristic North America. And what to me was most interesting is that one of the stories in the book takes place only 20 years into the future. Unlike a lot of dystopians I've read where it's hundreds of years. 

Having this point in time is terrifying. You read apocalypse books, and they take place in the distant future. But this end of the world could take place today. And that was a really good choice in my opinion. It added another level of fear to this book. 

So despite not having a huge climax, I really enjoyed this book. It was something I didn't think I was going to like as much as I did. But Station Eleven became the book I didn't know I wanted. 

Princess Jellyfish Review.

Our quirky cast of characters

Alright, so I like to be able to have background noise for when I’m working on stuff. Usually the background noise is audio books, or podcasts, but lately it’s been anime, and tv shows. So, I’ve been getting through short series quite quickly. One of those series was Princess Jellyfish. 

Princess Jellyfish is about a woman Tsukimi who lives in what her and her housemates call ‘the nunnery’. They are a bunch of otaku (nerd) women who live together, and are safe to obsess over their chosen thing. In the case of Tsukimi, it’s jellyfish. One day she goes to talk to the jellyfish at a local pet store, and she finds that there are two jellyfish in the tank that shouldn’t be put together. With bad social anxiety it’s difficult for her to tell the shop keeper to switch the tanks. 

After the make over. 

However a beautiful woman comes and saves the day, and our main character ends up buying the jellyfish. In the morning she finds out that this beautiful princess who saved her is actually a boy. And her adventure with Kuranosuke begins. 

This series is so cute, and so sweet. It’s all about being yourself, but letting your best beauty shine though. It isn’t about changing yourself to suit other peoples standards. Yes almost all of the otaku characters go through a bit of a makeover. But they always change back into the clothes they are most comfortable in. 

This is a super short show, and my biggest complaint is it left me feeling a little underwhelmed. I expected a lot more from the last episode and there were a lot of things that were just kinda left ignored and unanswered. I’m all for open endings, but this one lacked the big finale thing that I was looking for. All in all the series was amazing. 

Our pretty anime boy. 

The characters are all quirky in their own ways. And you find yourself finding you identify with the characters passion for the things they love. It’s also really nice to see characters that aren’t conventionally attractive, and have major social issues, and social anxiety. I love anime, and series that challenge the stereotypes a little bit. 

My favourite character was Kuranosuke, our cross dresser. He is spoiled, a little bratty, but his heart is in the right place most of the time. And he makes real friends with these crazy otaku woman even though he isn’t allowed to be a boy when he’s with them. Kuranosuke doesn’t let his families dislike for his clothing style get the best of him either. He wears his wigs, and heels with pride and confidence. And it’s something I adore about this character. Plus he looks smoking as a girl. 

The animation is stunning in this series. And I think I say that about everything I watch, but it’s true. I am drawn to beautiful animation, and this show does not disappoint. The jellyfish anim

ation is really what caught my eye. They look so beautiful floating around in the tanks. I so badly wish there was a second season of the anime. 

This is another series that I highly recommend everyone watch. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I’ll see you next time. 

January Favourites.

The month of January is over, and now it's time to do a favourites list. And there have been quite a few things I've been loving this month, mostly Christmas gifts.

The first thing is the induction heat stove thingy. Thing is great. I'm full of anxiety about pretty much everything, and one of those things is gas stove tops. The flame makes me nervous, but this has no flame! And everything cooks really evenly, and really well and I really like it. The one down side is that you can't just use any pot on it. You need special induction heat pans and stuff. I only have one of those, but eventually I'll get more.

One of the things that I have fallen in love with this month is the "Warm Buddy" my grandmother got me for Christmas. And pretty much it's a sheep, and instead of regular stuffing, it's a bag of rice, and you put the bag of rice in the microwave, and heat it up. When the bag is warm, you put it back in the sheep and you have a warm little stuffy. It's great for cold nights or when I come in from outside. Keeps me toasty warm.

The last Christmas gift that I love is the used DSLR camera. It's the Canon Rebel 300 D, it's an older camera, and I adore it. However, there is a reason why you haven't seen any pictures from the camera yet,  and that is because I left the battery charger back at my parents place and need to wait until March to get it back.

But let's move on from Christmas gifts, the next thing is cute fluffy anime. I've been watching a lot of sad movies lately (Inside Out and Big Hero Six) So, to balance all of that out, I've been watching cute anime. So look forward to another anime review.

One other thing that keeps me entertained while I'm working is youtube cooking videos. I love cooking, and baking so having a few new recipes to try out is going to be a lot of fun. As well as it's interesting to watch the techniques that are being used. So, while I'm knitting and sewing, I'm watching youtube cooking videos or anime.

I hope you all have a wonderful day, and let me know some of the things you've been enjoying in the comments below.

January wrap up, and tbr.

Alright, so the hectic month of January is over, and I have my wrap up, and what I’m going to be reading this month. This was a pretty decent month for reading. I’ve been getting out of my slump, and reading a lot more. So let’s go through the books that I’ve read this month. 

Night by Elie Wiesel. I did a classic 101 on this book, and you can check it out: here 

Hexwood by Dianna Wynne Jones I wrote a review for this book and you can read it:here. I was not very impressed with this book, and I found myself going back, trying to understand what was going on through the entire thing.  

I finally finished Game of Thrones, and I will not be doing a review for that one, because you can find a million of them. 

Station Eleven: The review for this book will be posted soon. But as a spoiler for the review, this book was me in book form. I loved it. 

And I listened to The Martian by Andy Weir And I wasn't originally going to do a review, but after finishing it, I have so many thoughts and I want to share them. So look out for that in the future.  

So onto this months tbr. February is a short month, so I have less time for reading. So I’ve picked out three books that I want to read this month. 

Memoirs of a Geisha: I keep putting this one off in favour of other things, I have no idea why though. And there will be a review of this book. 

And maybe the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. I won't be doing anything for this book other than reading it. 

I also might read Of Mice and Men by John Stenbeck. It's a super short book that I remember reading most of when I got to class early one day. It's something I remember really enjoying, and would like to finish. I will be writing a Classic 101 for this book. 

And I’ll hopefully be listening to the Diviners by Libba Bray. I am not entirely sure if I am going to review this book, but if you want me to, I totally will! 

So far for the year 2016 I have read 5/100 books. So I am off to a decent start. Let’s hope I can get more reading done in the next month!.